For years, I believed self-care was indulgent; a luxury for people with too much time on their hands. The harder I worked and the more exhausted I felt, the more I saw it as proof that I was doing a good job. Sound familiar? But in 2012, my body decided it had other plans. A diagnosis of fibromyalgia brought my non-stop, people-pleasing, “push-through-the-pain” lifestyle to a grinding halt. It forced me to reassess everything I thought I knew about self-care, limits, and what it really means to look after yourself.
What I learned is this: self-care isn’t optional. It’s essential.
Redefining Self-Care: It’s More Than Bubble Baths
When most people hear “self-care,” their minds go straight to candles, bubble baths, and face masks—and don’t get me wrong, those are wonderful. But true self-care is so much deeper.
Sometimes, self-care is about doing the unglamorous stuff you don’t want to do. Like:
– Going to bed on time when Netflix is calling your name.
– Eating vegetables instead of another round of toast (yes, I know, toast is life).
– Taking a break when your to-do list is screaming at you.
– Saying no to someone because your plate is already too full.
It’s about listening to what your body and mind really need—not what the world tells you you’re supposed to do.
The Science of Self-Care
This is backed up by research. Regular self-care can:
– Reduce stress and anxiety: Chronic stress wreaks havoc on our bodies, from raising cortisol levels to disrupting sleep. Activities like mindfulness, rest, and even setting boundaries can lower stress.
– Improve physical health: Getting enough sleep and eating well fuel your body for the demands of life, giving you more energy and resilience.
– Boost emotional well-being: Being kind to yourself increases self-compassion, which is linked to lower levels of depression and anxiety.
– Increase productivity: Rest and recovery aren’t just nice extras; they’re critical to performing at your best.
In other words, self-care is the foundation that everything else in your life is built on. Without it, the whole structure crumbles.
The Hard Lesson I Had to Learn
Before my diagnosis, I thought powering through was a badge of honor. I ignored my body’s whispers to rest until they became screams. And trust me, fibromyalgia screams loudly. Suddenly, the energy I’d relied on to juggle everything wasn’t there anymore.
Learning to ask for help was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But you know what? It’s also been one of the most transformative. Acknowledging my limits hasn’t made me weaker— it’s made me smarter, stronger, and kinder to myself.
Self-Care is an Act of Kindness, Not Selfishness
For many of us, especially women, there’s guilt wrapped up in self-care. We’re so used to putting everyone else first that prioritizing ourselves feels wrong. But here’s the thing: you can’t pour from an empty cup. When you neglect yourself, you’re not doing anyone any favors—not your kids, your partner, your work, or yourself.
Think of self-care as maintenance for your most important tool: you! You wouldn’t drive a car without servicing it, so why would you expect your body and mind to run on empty?
Practical Ways to Start Prioritising Self-Care
Here are a few small shifts you can make today:
1. Schedule Rest: Block out time in your day to recharge, even if it’s just 15 minutes.
2. Move Your Body: Find something you enjoy, whether it’s walking, yoga, or dancing in your kitchen.
3. Eat Intentionally: Focus on foods that nourish your body. (And yes, cake has its place!)
4. Say No: Practice setting boundaries and remember that “no” is a complete sentence.
5. Celebrate the Small Wins: Resting when you’re tired is progress, not failure.
My Ongoing Journey
I won’t lie and say I’ve mastered self-care. There are days when I still push too hard or feel guilty for taking a nap. But I remind myself that looking after me isn’t selfish—it’s survival. And the truth is, I’m a better mum, coach, and human when I take the time to refill my cup.
So, if you’re still telling yourself you don’t have time for self-care, let me gently call you out. You “do” have time—you just have to believe you’re worth it. Because you are.
What does self-care look like for you? Let me know in the comments, and remember: you’re not alone on this journey. Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is rest.